


three cheers for five years.

by quesalpha (ummonique)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-11
Updated: 2015-08-11
Packaged: 2018-04-14 03:47:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4549080
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ummonique/pseuds/quesalpha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the first five years were the hardest.</p>
            </blockquote>





	three cheers for five years.

**2009 .**

“ are we really going to lay down in the snow just so we can watch the fireworks?” Dan asks nervously, his right arm folded to hold his left elbow, thumb pad rubbing circles, anxiously. Being alone with Phil was dans favourite place to be, still surreal , still new, still feeling like a joke ,because dan was always the one who cared more, wanted more, tried more, was more, even though he always felt less.

“ c’mon bear “ Phil makes grabby hands towards Dan, already laying in the snow. Dan hesitantly placed himself beside Phil. “c’mere.” Phil stretches out one arm which Dan shuffles into.   
“ your hat is poking my face, it’s kind of itching on the outside “ Dan giggles, blushing.

“sorry “ he turns his head a little more so his face was resting on phils chest.  Now that Dan was in a better position , Phil used the arm he had around Dan to find dans hand and intertwine their fingers together, Phil cant feel dans intake of air .

“ where are the big dipper and little dipper ?” Phil asks, squeezing dans hand.

“ um, I actually don’t know “ dans voice is small as if he was embarrassed. “ you’re not going to do something corny like sit here and find two stars and name them after us, are you ?” Dan sits up a little bit to look at Phil with a serious expression, sending Phil into a giggle fit.

“ nah, you’re the only Dan I want “ Dan doesn’t bother to tell Phil how corny that was and settles  back into phils embrace.

“ good, cause I could do this forever and you’re the only Phil I want “  Dan internally cringes at his words even though he means them.

“ really ?” Phil sounded shocked, which confused Dan.

“ yeah, I think I trust and believe in you more than anyone I’ve ever known before” heat practically radiates from dans cheeks. Truth is, Dan is starting to learn what faith is and what having faith in someone feels like.

**2010**

“ I love you too “ Dan says on skype, it makes Phil’s heart stop and jaw drop ever so slightly. Both of them smile widely, eyes soft and affectionate. Phil just wanted Dan to come back; India had Dan for way too long.

“ good , I was hopping you did” Phil bites his bottom lip. “ you’re too far away “ he whispers

“  I know “ Dan frowns. “ do you ever sleep by the way ?” Dans tone is sarcastic but his eyes are dripping of fondness.

“ could say the same to you “ Phil giggles, his tongue appearing out of the corner of his mouth. “ but seriously Dan, you’re on holiday,, go enjoy yourself “ Phil furrows his  eyebrows.

“ don’t care, don’t want to, I _cant_ enjoy it “ Dan  whines.“ you’re being dumb “ Phil retorts.

“ I usually am “ Dan says as if he planned for this. Phil frowns “ I don’t want us to fight, Dan “

“ we’re not “ Dan sighs “ I just miss you” he smiles gently. Phil smiles back. “ you can see me when you get back. You dork “ Phil laughs, theres an emotion that echoes ,  love. Phil is so in love with Dan he thinks  he’s drowning.

“ I will, as soon as the plane lands, I’m going to get to your place, I don’t know how yet but I will “ Dan says, completely serious.

“ I’ll be waiting than “ Phil wishes he could kiss Dan right now. “ I love you “ he says , dans just smiling softly , his eyelids flutter a bit  as he drops his head  to look at his keyboard. “ I wanna see your face “ Phil whines.

“ god, how did I end up with such a clingy boyfriend ?” Dan giggles .

“ apparently stalking is the key to a successful relationship” Phil shrugs

“ I actually hate you “ Dans face flushes pink.

“ hate you too, you creepy stalker “ Phil laughs loudly, barely hearing dans groan in response.

Dan keeps his promise and so does Phil.

 

**2011**

“ we don’t ever have to leave each other again “ Phil mumbled into dans hair.“ I like that “ Dan whispers, there’s an uncertainty in his voice that makes Phils hands tremble slightly.“ you still think something’s going to go wrong ?” he asks carefully. He can feel Dan nod against his chest.

“ whenever I get these weird feelings they’re usually right. I “ Dan takes a deep breath “ I just want to know whats going to happen” he lets out a sad whimper, pressing himself into Phil. “ I just know something big is going to happen “.

Dans anxiety had gotten worse and part of Phil thought it had to do with him, regardless of the amount of times Dan assured him it wasn’t  Phil, it never will be Phil. Phil starts playing with dans hair as his weak attempt of comfort, he wasn’t even sure worked.

 

“ I mean, us moving in together was a big thing ?” Phil shifts to let Dan gain better access to his body. Dan shakes his head furiously. “ its not that, I don’t know yet “ he mumbles an apology that Phil ignores because Dan doesn’t even need to apologize to him, not ever.

“ when it does happen, I’ll be there” Phil promises , pulling the duvet tighter around them.

“ I trust you “  Dan whispers.

“ I love you “ is phils response.

Being alone with Phil was dans least favourite place to be. Even bumping shoulders in the hallway made Dan want to scream, however, Dan used up his ‘ _screaming  at Phil_ ‘quota. He wasn’t proud of that fact, but he didn’t know what the correct reaction should’ve been.

He walks into their lounge room because he does miss Phil, he’s just mad at Phil.  Phil is at the edge of the couch, knees against chest, head on knees, Dan can hear sniffles. “ oh for heaven’s sake “  Dan tries to not yell, however, his voice shakes the room, he can hear Phil let out a whimper, he knows Phil is trying to hold back tears. Phil looks up to face Dan, he didn’t want Dan to see him like this, like he _needed_ Dan.

“ Phil, for god sake “ Dan says with frustration, gesturing toward Phil. Phil’s jeans had noticeable patches on them from the tears, his hair was a mess, not tousled but it made him look like he hadn’t slept or showered for weeks. ( he probably hadn’t, he couldn’t remember, he felt numb, paralysed) phils eyes were red and puffy and looked sore, he had his contacts in, phils usual pale face was red and looked sick ( he felt sick).

“ you said sorry!” Dan kind of clenches his fists, out of stress  not anger, Phil sees it as hatred. Dan decides to soften his tone “ you, just.” Dan feels like crying, he feels like curling into a ball next to Phil and sobbing his heart out.

“ you wont stop crying “ Dan says in a voice so quiet, he’s sure if he tried he would be able to erase it.  The bubble Dan and Phil had around themselves was contaminated and they were both climbing out, desperate to breathe. He’s always wanted to know what goes on in phils head, how it works, what leads him to his incredible inventive ideas, but he’s never wanted to know what goes on in phils head as much as he does now.

“ I, I “ Phil wanted to say again that Dan knows by now that it really wasn’t his fault, he’s just so tired of fighting, he lets out a sigh of frustration. If Dan can get angry over this, Phil can get angry about the fact the person he’s in love with was fading away, it was dans face that used to be in Phil’s crowd and he shone the brightest , Phil had pulled him up onto the stage with him, now Dan built another stage.

Dan remembered the way he yelled at Phil when it was leaked, he just kept screaming that he knew he shouldn’t have trusted him and it was his fault it was leaked and god he fucking regrated it, he just wanted Phil to understand.

“ they ruined it for us, it’ll never be the same “ Dan is now leaning against the wall, anxiously picking his nails. The fucking  gut wrenching,  devastating thing about this was how much they wanted each other and how much they both knew they wanted each other. “ the video was meant for me, that day was supposed to be ours, why are they making it _theirs_ ?”  dans voice cracks, phils heart breaks because he wanted it to be just for Dan, he made it for Dan, to make Dan happy, show him how much he loved him. Ironically, it’s what’s tearing them apart. And they’re both silently crying, powerless because this one video drained everything from them and they don’t know if okay is an option from here.

They stick it out though, then one day, the “ I love you’s ”  roll off their tongues and their kisses are more heartfelt, more genuine more effortless than before. They started to feel like themselves, their actual selves again,  they treasure moments the internet will never know about; good and bad.

A year ago , it felt to late, like it was all over. Now they had joined their stage together .  they agreed that things would only get better from here, they promised each other.

It does get better, it stays better.

~

New years eve 2013 is the happiest they’ve had together  because now they know  this year there’s guaranteed no chance in the slightest they’ll get separated.

They’re already  making out on phils bed when it hits midnight. They can hear fireworks in the background and pull away to look each other in the eyes. “ happy new year, baby “ Dan cups phils cheek, tracing his jawline.  “ happy new year, I love you “ Phil sounds breathless when he says the last part. “ now, c’mon, I’m horny, we haven’t had sex since last year “ Phil ushers Dan onto the bed.

“ if you ever say anything like that again Phil, I swear on my life I will “ Dan stops in his tracks. “ will what, love ?” Phil teasingly raises an eyebrow.

“ withhold sex from you “ Dan says, unconfidently , Phil giggles as he reaches for dans wrists to pull him closer.

“ like to see you try “ Phil smirks before leaning in to close the gap between them

 

**2014**

“ cheers to us” Phil whispers in dans ear, who was currently browsing tumblr, looking at all the posts celebrating October 19 2009. “ did you ever think you’d end up dating one of your creepy stalkers ?” Dan looks up to Phil who was handing Dan his coffee.

“ not one of them “ Phil sits down next to Dan, “ you were the only creepy stalker “ he giggles. “ thanks” Dan replies. “ any time”.

By now they had their bubble back, new and improved, more safety and changes, but it was still their bubble from 2009 and that’s all that matters.

“ I love you, you know “ Dan says as if he was talking to himself.

“ I love you too” Phil looks down nervously into his coffee mug, forgetting Dan wasn’t just a crush  anymore ( a crush he assumed he’d get over, because what eighteen year old would have wanted a serious  relationship?). they glance at each other and they both know every single word they want to say but they don’t feel like words could cover it quite like the way their general presence does. Somehow the fireworks never faded and the snow never melted and they just knew they were it; forever.

**Author's Note:**

> apologies to my beta's sorry i made you guys cry <3


End file.
